PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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