I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
