Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
