I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
