just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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