we're chasing vodka with high fives
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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