I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
