can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
