My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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