kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
