I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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