Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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