i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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