Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Even my vagina gasped.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize