Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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