billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
