Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
