just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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