I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
