I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
