She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
