Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
