To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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