i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
