I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
