My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
