toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
