please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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