my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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