I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
