I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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