apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
