Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
