Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Still dying that you shit outside
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
its liver damage thursday
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
