Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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