I smell stomach acid.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
