i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
