I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
