this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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