Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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