Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
