I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
