Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize