You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
