I think I died a long time ago.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
