I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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