my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize