I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Enjoy the penises
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
