May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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