i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
