I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
