A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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