Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
