Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
