for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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