atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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