I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
