"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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