Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
