You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
