winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
