Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
