I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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