Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
