Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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