One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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