She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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