The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
