alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
